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Monday, July 23, 2012

Final Fantasy 19: Owl Tower

Location: The World of Darkness, Owl Tower
Party members: Badger, Ferret, Phoenix
Opponents: None
Items: Star Chart x13, Potion x2, Hi-Potion x2, Phoenix Down x3, Phoenix Pinion
       x1, 333 G, 444 G, 555 G, 666 G, 777 G
BGM: Welcome to Bukki Tower (Super Mario RPG)

The lair of the terrible villain Owl Aye! Traps lurk in the floor panels. Monsters lie in wait behind every corner. Utter terror enters your very soul from the chilling background music. Owl Aye is bringing Princess Peahen snacks.

Wait, what?

Preparation: You'll want to be fully decked out in World of Darkness equipment before venturing in here. Whether "World of Darkness equipment" means a store-bought Flashy Robe or the Scholars' Library's Librarian's Robe is your own prerogative, but Cotton Robes just ain't gonna cut it anymore.

Despite being the lair of an evil enchanter, Owl Tower seems suspiciously homey from the outside, with a neat little welcome mat and some pretty flowers on a windowsill. Phoenix fears that the welcome mat may have teeth and try to eat you, but Ferret smacks some sense into her and the animals breach the entrance only to come out again at the entrance to the tower's glade. A space/time distortion!

Ferret attempts the front door again, with no more success than before. Phoenix curses Owl Aye with the power of Crimper/Cheese. Badger ponders. If Ultimecia gave him a portion of her Sorceress Power over time and space, perhaps he can use it to unbend this spatial loop and gain entrance to the Tower!

Unfortunately, Badger has no idea how to access those powers.

Fortunately, Ferret discovers a door labeled "For Guests" that goes right inside.

Several stories up, a small grey kitten that has been watching the invaders intently now runs off to warn her master...

In the cozy parlor at the top of the castle, the Great and Terrible Owl Aye is threatening the beauteous Princess Peahen with...incredibly insignificant threats of bodily harm, such as tickle-torture and rib-poking. Princess Peahen, who is as dumb as she is beautiful and as brave as she is dumb, valiantly refuses to remain his prisoner, despite the "danger" to her person. The charade would probably continue indefinitely if the kitten did not appear, raging at Owl Aye that intruders have entered the castle! Owl Aye does not understand; how did they surmount his repeating space loop? "By taking the LABELED side door, you imbecile!"

Owl Aye is confident that Peahen's rescuers, no matter how powerful they may be, will never surmount his next defense. Kitty demands to know if this is the one in the kitchen and, when told that it is, informs him that she will be taking over Castle Defense duty herself.

The inside of Owl Tower is filled with books, tchotchkies, and a surprising number of chinchillas, who appear neither rabid, violent, nor even in the least bad-tempered. Above the nearest doorway is a plaque reading, "Lord Chaos, bless this humble home." It has birds on it. Ferret is not impressed.

Wandering through the rooms on the first level of Owl Tower, you will find a carefully labeled "Care Package" containing a Potion, a Phoenix Down, 333 gold, and a note wishing you to have a nice day. Ferret's respect for the place is dwindling into the negatives by now. Things only get worse when you enter the kitchen and find Owl Aye's "next defense"...

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